Thepopeofastoria’s Weblog

Bitch Blog
July 17, 2010, 1:18 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

I started this thing as a sort of repository for my overused breakup cliches and adjectives about hopelessness. (Im much better now, thanks). I started my post college life in pursuit of a a vapid, egomaniacal arts career. i got all the way to New York City and just as my career was supposed to ‘take off” it crashed. It crashed because I crashed it. I realized I was setting myself up for a life of disappointment, usury and no free will. There was nothing sadder than seeing a 34 year old guy getting fired from his job waiting tables because he had to stay available for auditions. So I came home, tail between legs, and got a job (in SAHLEZZZ!!) and an apartment just like everyone else. That was everything I could have hoped for but couldn`t get in NYC.

I should be happy right? I should feel accomplished right? Nope. First of all SAHLEZZ is a horrible way to make a living for more than a year or two. I cant say a bad thing about the way my company has treated me, but this racket just isnt my scene, so now I have to change that. Instead of being a ‘rebel” Im now seen as a potential mate for women, great right? means Im stable right? Well, on one hand its nice to be thought of as something more than a Friday night companion but on the other hand its a lot more pressure to think about how you are going to take care of a chick and the family her ovaries are glowing to have. So you have to make more money, you need an advanced degree. For the first time in my memory, Im considered too old for some things. Law School, second bachelor`s degrees, tattoo sleeves and smoking pot are a few that come to mind. I havent heard “you have your whole life ahead of you” in at least two years. Im 28 now and all everyone talks about is how much 30 is going to suck and how its so hard to find time to play video games these days. ┬áIn the past 5 months I have spent close to 3,0000$ on gmat prep and tutoring, and now I find that Im farther away from kicking this test`s ass than I thought. Im going to have to defer a year. Thats fine right? take your time and do it right cause its a 150,000$ investment right? Yeah, that makes sense, except for the fact that starting an MBA at 30 makes me unemployable in some industries because im too old. Excuse me?, what….the….fuck? Its okay, I never wanted to be a maniacal iBanker or PE genius anyhow, but what am I supposed to do? Keep SAHLEZING for the rest of my life surrounded by a constantly broadening pool of 22 year old rubber people who dont shave yet and can still get drunk 4 nights a week? Nope, gotta keep going.

It really bothers me sometimes. What did all these guys in my Manhattan GMAT class get exposed to while growing up that made them choose the “correct” (read, successful) path? Who did they have around that made sure they thought of the future and could pick and choose what top 10 program they wanted to go into at 26? Who made them study the useful, important, low-risk, high return career options they responsibly chose to undertake? One thing I know, whatever they got, I got to a lesser extent. Dad, you were about as useful as a video of watching a Capuchin Monkey with a Viagra induced boner try to fuck a fully inflated football while standing on fly-paper. I have resolved that if I ever have children that I will do the EXACT opposite of EVERYTHING you did because you did a piss poor job. Mom, “Mommie Dearest” was a stupid movie, you should stop modeling your life after it. Plus, you haven`t had kids in the house for about 10 years now, who do you beat on? Your used car SAHLEZ-man sleaze boyfriend? Wrinkle cream and Absolut wont fix the whole in your soul.

Now, that was kinda venomous, but, the title of this is Bitch Blog, so, I think that was fair warning. At least I didn`t call and complain to my friends.