Thepopeofastoria’s Weblog


A Pope`s hurried response
February 28, 2011, 3:16 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

1. As you know, the break up with my ex caused me to move back in with my parents. I’m a little embarrassed to tell a guy this. What do guys actually think of this? How should I broach the subject that if we hang out, it will have to be at his place?

-Since you moved back home because you used to live with your boyfriend, thats all very permissible. If you lived at home because your roommates threw you out, it would be a red flag. The best way to broach the subject is to just come out with it as soon as possible, its one of those topics that the more you make of it, the larger and more damning it becomes. As far as saying you will always have to hang out at his place, no guy who is into girls will object to that,unless you try to slyly move your stuff in.

2. I was just accepted into graduate school. What do guys think of women who pursue higher education and do they have expectations attached to that?

-Thats great, congratulations to you my child! Pursuing higher education is a good thing, it shows you aren`t just focused on getting married and taking a guy`s money. As long as you aren`t trying to be an attorney who will constantly have your partner “on the stand” about everything a guy should be supportive. As far as expectation, stay away from guys who are looking for a second mother.

3. Since I am in my late twenties and hope that within the next 10 years I get married and have kids, will guys be scared by that or are they looking for the same thing?

– Some are looking for the same thing, some aren`t. Stay away from the guys who only talk about “having fun” and how important “fun” is. “Fun” above all else is basically drinking, bar games, drinking, and drinking while doing menial things to make it more fun for the unfocused, non marriage prospect guy. Of the guys who want to get married and have families, a peculiar thing gives them away, their desire to “take it slow.” I know, I know, its confusing, but when men marry, they are effectively giving up their hunting ways, and committing to create something new, something living, a legacy that will take his place. Basically, a guy getting married and having kids is a guy facing his death, and accepting it. So, really, you are looking for men who have accepted their mortality rather than those who are fighting for a delusion to keep them going.

4. I’m going to be hanging out at a bar this weekend with a lot of people my own age. I feel a little rusty. How will I know if  a guy is hitting on me, what body language should I expect to see?

– Ahh, well…. If a guy walks up to you and talks to you, ignoring other people, hes hitting on you. If he asks you a bunch of questions while trying to look you in the eye the whole time, hes hitting on you while trying to seem sincere. ( I suppose this can be seen as good, if you need to feel desireable) If he wants to dance with you and he`s sober, he`s probably a vetted cocksman, if he wants to dance and he`s drunk, hes probably an over intoxicated decent guy who has gone too far and has no ability and no business dancing. (either way, dont do the dance)

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Dipping my toe in the dating pool
February 27, 2011, 10:24 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

Dear Pope,

The subject of this blog is a little misleading. I actually haven’t dipped my toe in the dating pool. I’ve actually just thought about it. I want to start dating again but I don’t want to just jump into another relationship just because I am a little lonely. But I have been imagining myself going on dates, having conversations with guys and I’ve formulated some questions.

1. As you know, the break up with my ex caused me to move back in with my parents. I’m a little embarrassed to tell a guy this. What do guys actually think of this? How should I broach the subject that if we hang out, it will have to be at his place?

2. I was just accepted into graduate school. What do guys think of women who pursue higher education and do they have expectations attached to that?

3. Since I am in my late twenties and hope that within the next 10 years I get married and have kids, will guys be scared by that or are they looking for the same thing?

4. I’m going to be hanging out at a bar this weekend with a lot of people my own age. I feel a little rusty. How will I know if  a guy is hitting on me, what body language should I expect to see?

Please calm my fears Pope. Thank you!



Equality
February 6, 2011, 1:25 pm
Filed under: Papal Wisdom

Inside the Pope`s Diocese, there has been an interest in the recent inquiry by a faithful girl in New Jersey. One of the less reputable members of the flock here in Astoria of the male designation submitted a salvo of questions directly to Jerzette, and I have published the responses in the interest of fairness.

1. why do you guys post yourselves on dating sites, yet never respond to messages even though your profile EXPLICITLY says you are looking for someone? PLUS ,……YOU ARE ON A DATING SITE, NOT AN “I NEED ATTENTION” SITE!!!!

Either A. because we lost interest and haven’t checked our profile in ages or B. because we don’t think you’re cute.

2. why do you let boyfriends Commit a mistake past the point of reconciliation before confronting them about it?
We always wait for you to come around and realize what you’ve done. I think women feel that when they do something they think of all the possibilities and every person’s possible feelings involved. So we think men will do the same thing. We don’t feel that we need to comment until obviously it gets very far out of hand. Partly, we also want you to mind read. We think that being in a relationship that our partner will know us inside and out so we will feel that they will know what we’re thinking all the time and we won’t have to tell you when you do something wrong..you’ll just know. This is obviously not the smartest idea because communication is key.

3. Why is EVERYTHING about your family and friends?
Family is very important to us because one day we want to have a family of our own. For most of us at least, our moms are our best friends and the most important people in our lives. Plus, our family has always been there for us (no offense, way before you were even a glint in our eyes..hahaha sorry). The same attitude towards friends. Girl time is so important so we can gossip (mostly about you) and laugh and be stupid. Girl time is a release and allows us to emotionally bond with like minded people who understand.

4. Why do you always have to do the opposite of what you claim you want to do? (think ordering food in restaurants and not eating it, saying you want to work out and then eating ice cream in front of the TV is your sweatpants, etc.)
Part of this is being indecisive….’it’s a girl’s prerogative to change her mind.” And we do THAT a lot. We love you and want your approval and we want to include you in the decision. So when we ask you “Do you want to order Chinese food?” We truly want your opinion. Saying, “I don’t know dear, whatever you want,” does not help in the slightest. We always have 20 reasons why we ask you something. Most of the time, questions are never simple. For example, when we ask you if you want to eat Chinese because 1. We really want to eat it but don’t want to seem like a pig because we ate it last week so we need your approval 2. We’re really lazy and don’t want to cook but we want your approval that it’s ok, etc and so forth. To some degree we say things because we want you to feel highly of us but do the opposite because we’re feeling lazy that day (gym and sweatpants) or don’t want to look fat (ordering and not eating food). However, when you’re in doubt, it’s because we don’t want to seem fat.

5. Why do you have to eat off of our plates when you have your own food in front of you?
Because you’re my boyfriend and I can. Couples do those kinds of things, right? And your food is different and was something I was thinking about ordering so I’m just going to help myself!

6. Why do you feel the urge to keep seeing/talking to/fucking ex boyfriends without the intention of ever getting back together?
We need the attention. We need to feel that we are worthy and beautiful. When you are lonely or have just broken up with a guy you think about getting confirmation from somebody (what better person then that ex boyfriend who tried his hardest to get you back), some kind of love and affection. So unfortunately, we go for easy targets.

7. What the fuck is the deal with letting EVERYONE know that you LOVE TO LAUGH?!?!?!? Who DOESNT like laughing? Seriously, why does that make you so unique?
Because we think it makes us sound like a fun, happy, easy going lady.