Thepopeofastoria’s Weblog


Playing Paul Simon tunes on your Heartstrings
March 9, 2011, 10:56 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

1. The other night at the bar, I was reacquainted with someone I haven’t seen in literally years but we are facebook friends. He is someone that I would like to get to know better. We didn’t get to have the opportunity to talk at all because he was surrounded by friends that dragged him away. He facebooked me that it was nice to see me, etc when he got home at 3am. I want to facebook him back and convey that I would like to catch up with him. How do I do that?

Very simple my child, you simply friend him on facebook and say “It was nice to see you too, maybe I`ll see you in town sometime (include the name of a place you would like to go other than the place you were at.) Bear in mind you havent seen him in years, and after the initial shock has worn off, their might not be  much to discuss.

2. Ok, actually, I’ve already done it. I did it before I could speak to you. It’s been a day and I haven’t heard anything. Should I think he’s not interested? Maybe I read too much into the fact he facebooked me at 3am. Was he just being nice because as a female, I would take it that he went out of his way to facebook me.

HA! Ten Hail Mary`s penance for you on this First Wednesday of Lent! He was most likely busy with something else that had nothing to do with you. he facebooked you at the time he did because thats probably when he got home, and when it occurred to him. Men RARELY have motive for the things they do, they simply do them and examine consequences afterwards. Unless he is a gemini, then he might have all sorts of girly motives.

3. So while I was at the bar, as you know, I briefly spoke to that guy and then he was dragged away by his yelling friends. I wanted to get the opportunity to speak to him again. Pope, you  advised me via text at an ungodly hour (forgive me) to catch his eye and wave him over. Unfortunately, found him much later and he wasn’t even looking in my direction, plus, he was in deep conversation. I never waved him over and I just left the bar, not wanting to disturb him. Ugh, I’m sorry I failed. And not to be braggy (actually yes, let me be for once), I looked kinda hot..why would he not make the effort to come back over to speak to me…unless he wasn’t interested…ahhh the vicious circle!

He probably didnt see you. He probably had other friends talking to him every 5 seconds and was trying to be polite to everyone.

4. Do you think I looked desperate? What do desperate women look like?

No, I dont think you did. Desperate women often get excessivly intoxicated in a small top in the middle of winter, and attempt to whip multiple men  into a competitive frenzy over them, and when they attain their goal, they collapse in tears without rational cause.

5. So all this talk is beginning to make me feel that maybe I’m not ready for the dating thing. What do you think? I seem to be obsessing….

Yes, you are obsessing. My child, if you are not ready you are not ready, it is simple as that. It doesnt mean you wont ever be ready again, it simply means you havent redefined enough of yourself as single to be able to share it with someone new inside the confines of a relationship yet. It is a perfectly normal part of the healing process, and you should not feel pressured to date nor ashamed at your reticence to.

5. But I do know what I’m not obsessing about..the older man that sat next to me on my longggg bus ride to work. It was 7am, I was feeling like crap and wanted to sleep. I knew immediately (from your past advisements) that this older somewhat creepy man was not trying to make small talk but trying to hook up with me. The fact that I could not pretend to sleep anymore and was in the window seat made me a sitting (obviously) duck to his advances. I wish I could have been a cold – hearted you know what but I couldn’t and instead participated in the most boring small talk and took his card. How could I have nipped that in the bud from the beginning (in a nice but straight forward way). And also, are all  guys oblivious to body language and tone? Because Mr. I own my own software company should have been smart enough to realize that I did not want any part of him or his ipad or kindle or fill in the blank.

Ah yes, the Shoescrape Sleazebag in town from Reading, PA for a conference….  It is true, some men will just not take a hint. They arent very good at taking them when we they in relationships with you, so if they are just hitting on you, expect their ability to be nonexistent.  Truth is, there is no nice way. You just have to say “listen, Im glad you are excited about your day, but I need more rest for mine, so I will be sleeping on this ride.”

Women live by an unspoken code of “not being mean” men live by an unspoken code of “say what you mean”. Try to remember that when you are dealing with them, the reaction wont be the same as it would be had you been talking with a girl.

Go in peace my child, and let Jersey be thy Galilee.

Pope of Astoria

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Stirrings of the heart
March 6, 2011, 3:10 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

Pope,

I attended my first bar outing as an official single lady which means that I was open albeit a little nervous to be approached by a guy.  And let me tell you, I forgot how wild the dating world is. I was excited at first and then I remembered how much it really sucks. Let me elaborate, I hate playing the games of looking interested but not too interested, thinking I am dressed sexy enough but then worrying I overdid it. Honestly, it’s very draining. Also, it seems like everyone is already hooked up with someone else, especially at my age, I feel like I’m 6 months away from becoming the crazy spinster cat lady (even though I do not currently own one cat and I’m still in my 20s–details I tell you!). The other night’s festivities (or lack thereof, depending on who you speak to) brought up a lot of issues and insecurities to the surface. So I need your help and reassurance that I’m doing the right thing.

1. The other night at the bar, I was reacquainted with someone I haven’t seen in literally years but we are facebook friends. He is someone that I would like to get to know better. We didn’t get to have the opportunity to talk at all because he was surrounded by friends that dragged him away. He facebooked me that it was nice to see me, etc when he got home at 3am. I want to facebook him back and convey that I would like to catch up with him. How do I do that?

2. Ok, actually, I’ve already done it. I did it before I could speak to you. It’s been a day and I haven’t heard anything. Should I think he’s not interested? Maybe I read too much into the fact he facebooked me at 3am. Was he just being nice because as a female, I would take it that he went out of his way to facebook me.

3. So while I was at the bar, as you know, I briefly spoke to that guy and then he was dragged away by his yelling friends. I wanted to get the opportunity to speak to him again. Pope, you  advised me via text at an ungodly hour (forgive me) to catch his eye and wave him over. Unfortunately, found him much later and he wasn’t even looking in my direction, plus, he was in deep conversation. I never waved him over and I just left the bar, not wanting to disturb him. Ugh, I’m sorry I failed. And not to be braggy (actually yes, let me be for once), I looked kinda hot..why would he not make the effort to come back over to speak to me…unless he wasn’t interested…ahhh the vicious circle!

4. Do you think I looked desperate? What do desperate women look like?

5. So all this talk is beginning to make me feel that maybe I’m not ready for the dating thing. What do you think? I seem to be obsessing….

5. But I do know what I’m not obsessing about..the older man that sat next to me on my longggg bus ride to work. It was 7am, I was feeling like crap and wanted to sleep. I knew immediately (from your past advisements) that this older somewhat creepy man was not trying to make small talk but trying to hook up with me. The fact that I could not pretend to sleep anymore and was in the window seat made me a sitting (obviously) duck to his advances. I wish I could have been a cold – hearted you know what but I couldn’t and instead participated in the most boring small talk and took his card. How could I have nipped that in the bud from the beginning (in a nice but straight forward way). And also, are all  guys oblivious to body language and tone? Because Mr. I own my own software company should have been smart enough to realize that I did not want any part of him or his ipad or kindle or fill in the blank.

6. In a nutshell, Pope, I don’t know what the hell I’m doing. I feel conflicted. I want to move on a meet someone and start a new relationship but I don’t want to be too hasty either. I’ve now been two months single and I think it’s time to jump back into the dating world. It’s become obvious to me that my ex and I are two totally different people and it will never work…so I know it’s over. I’m excited to date but I’m scared at the same time. I lived with my ex and I’m afraid that if I meet someone new and we get to that same point that the relationship will fall to pieces. I don’t want to get that far into a relationship again (2 years) and feel like I’ve wasted my time again. I don’t even know what I’m asking…just please comfort me.